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“No man is an island entire of itself.” John Donne wrote this in 1624. Simon and Garfunkle sang this three and a half centuries later: “Hiding in my room, safe within my womb, I touch no one and no one touches me. I am a rock, I am an island. And a rock feels no pain; and an island never cries.” What one says explicitly, the other says implicitly. The message is the same: no one can live, and thrive, without intimacy and interpersonal connections. Social needs and connections are essential to the happiness and well-being of any person; in the fast-paced, high-pressure world, intimate connections are more important than ever before – but they are also more difficult to maintain. Why?

While intimacy can, and often does, refer to romantic relationships, it can also be applied to virtually any close relationship. A friendship or a connection between siblings, for instance, can be intimate. What really defines intimacy is not the actual relationship between the people (couple, parent/child, etc.) but the sense of closeness, support, and belonging that accompanies the connection. Relationships like these are of the utmost importance, not only because they enrich our lives. Research has shown that married couples enjoy better health and a longer lifespan than single people. Children who have strong intimate connections have greater levels of self-esteem and are better equipped to maintain these relationships later in life. Those without this contact, though, have higher levels of low self-esteem and even depression.

Relationships are important, there is no doubt. They can also be challenging. Sherry Turkle, an MIT professor, argues that new technologies, including robots, may be wonderfully convenient but they do take away essential face-to-face contact. In her book, Alone Together, Turkle says that as we grow increasingly reliant on digital media, we are able to interact with people ” both online and off ” without really engaging or paying attention. We send a text with “ILY!,” instead of calling, writing a note, or visiting in person. While technologies like Facebook allow us to connect with people across the world, it also makes it more difficult to really connect with the people right in our own homes or communities.

In some ways, technology is a positive force for relationships. University of Michigan researchers found that undergraduates who used Facebook had more “social capital” than those who did not and that they had higher measures of “psychological well-being.” This was particularly true in students who had low self-esteem. Blogging has also been shown to be a great source of social support and connection.

Digital media can be wonderful for those who would not otherwise get that type of contact, but what about those who do have access to family, friends, or partners? Professor Turkle talks of this with her story of Edna, an 82 year old great grandmother. While her 2 year old great-granddaughter was visiting, Edna was given a My Real Baby doll. She knows it is not alive, but yet, she can’t help but take care of it when it starts to fuss. Meanwhile, when her real 2 year old great-grandchild starts to fuss Edna takes no notice.

There is a similar example: Roxxxy, a robotic “girlfriend,” can alleviate loneliness, but it can also keep people from exploring real relationships. In each of these instances, the common theme is “Why do I have to struggle with real people when I can get what I need via technology.” With no fussing, no contrary opinions, no arguments, no chance of rejection – but no chance of love, connection, intimacy, or reciprocity of feeling. Technology, even with all its contrived dramas, is much more manageable than interacting with a real person face-to-face.

It is interesting to note that most of the studies that have been done concerning intimacy and the digital age are mixed: some say it strengthens relationships, while others say it is going to spell ruin for friendship and marriage. Technology can strengthen a couple’s intellectual intimacy when they use it together. It was also shown to help some couples resolve conflict. For people who are too shy or hesitant to approach people for face-to-face contact, technology can be a great facilitator. But there is also the risk that technology will take the place of intimacy in relationships. It can distract, cause conflict avoidance, or act as a “time sponge.”

Intimacy and interpersonal connections are so important; perhaps, in the digital age, they are more important than ever. Technology does provide us with challenges, but also solutions. We crave contact and we need to relate to others; whether we do this offline or on may not matter as much as the simple fact that we are connecting with people.

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